best manIf you’re reading this and a woman, you’re missing a shoe sale or something, so go away.
They gone? Good. Okay let’s begin. It’s a wedding paradox. The guy most notorious for partying is expected to take on the most responsibility, the role of the best man. You haven’t been trained for this. Planning? What’s that word mean? Relax. It’s easier than you think. You have three main responsibilities, Bachelor Party, a toast, and alcohol. For this article, we’ll be going over the Bachelor Party.

You and your boys are Spartans, and the Bachelor party is the last stand against the Persian Empire that is domestication. It’s time to take one last piss on the fire hydrant. The fact is the Bride to be does not want her soon to be husband ogling over strippers or hookers no matter how gracious she’s pretending to be about it. You and your friends want to ogle over strippers. This is a problem, but not one for the best man. If a strip club is in the plans and the Bachelor gives it the okay then game on.

There are three rules to follow though.

1. No one talks about strip club.
2. No one talks about strip club.
3. No one talks about strip club.

Strippers are nice, but this should be about more than just showing the Bachelor everything he’s going to be missing out on for the rest of his long, long life. It should be about camaraderie. If time permits the Bachelor party should start early with some physical activity besides sex with hookers. Think of things you guys like to do besides going out and partying – some pick-up basketball, or a biking trip. Get some physical activity into the plans. Nothing brings guys together like some friendly competition, plus getting everyone’s heart pumping early will get everyone in a good frame of mind for later. Why? Who knows, but it works.

Once everyone’s showered up and ready to go out, start out at a bar or restaurant that serves alcohol and food. Get a good meal. Get a little loose. The best man should give a little toast(or roast) to the groom to be. Soon everyone will be having fun. Now it’s time to start waving the strange in front of the Bachelor’s nose. Whether it’s the strip club or you have the means and the numbers to get some party girls to hang out at your favorite bar or club, it’s very important that the Bachelor is shown what he will be missing. This is the entire point of the Bachelor party, and the responsibility of the best man.

That’s it. What did you expect? Listen, I’m not here to micromanage this entire thing for you. All the crazy wedding planning going on on the other side of the aisle… keep some sanity over here on this side and go with the flow a little.