If you’re an aficionado of tacky weddings, then surely you’ve heard about Pamela Anderson’s really tacky weddings, Britney Spears getting hitched to K-Fed, Tori Spelling’s ultra-expensive wedding, or even that nice redneck couple who got married in a Waffle House parking lot just before he had to report for work in the restaurant.
All of these nuptials were undeniably tacky.
However, for sheer, unadulterated, expensive, egomaniacal tackiness it’s virtually impossible to top the wedding of celebrity footballer David Beckham and former Spice Girl Victoria Adams (A/K/A Posh Spice) in 1999.
If you weren’t paying attention to this star-studded affair back then you might not understand just why it stands out as the tackiest celebrity wedding of all time.
Well, to begin with, the happy couple insisted on having their private coat of arms sewn onto every chair their 500-odd guests sat in.
Earlier, Beckham and Adams had erected a gigantic sign in front of their house that boasted the initials “VD” (for Victoria and David, natch).
However, when someone pointed out the alternate significance of these initials, this sign was hurriedly replaced with one bearing their coat of arms.
The ceremony was held in the Luttrellstown Gothic castle on the outskirts of Dublin, Ireland, an exclusive celebrity retreat that has in the past played host to former President Ronald Reagan, movie star Paul Newman, and the rock group REM.
The minimum price of a wedding in this luxury venue was a whopping $13,000.
During the reception, Posh and Becks, as they are familiarly known in the British tabloid press, sat in regal splendor on specially designed thrones set on a raised platform where they could it lord it over a fawning crowd of friends, selected Spice Girls (though oddly enough Ginger Spice, A/K/A Geri Halliwell was nowhere in sight), Beckham’s Manchester United teammates and members of both families.
As a sign of their own egomania and self-importance, both Beckham and Adams wore handmade $500,000 crowns and matching multicarat diamond rings that were specially crafted for the happy event.
The bride and groom had originally worn outfits in matching colors, but when their infant son Brooklyn hurled on the groom, he had to change into a purple suit.
Luckily, it matched the tiny purple cowboy hat that little Brooklyn wore.
Adding to the overall tackiness of the affair, the couple asked guests to forego giving them gifts and instead, the multimillionaire couple asked for cash or shopping vouchers.
Can you get any classier than that, I ask you?